It goes without saying that you'll want to avoid untrustworthy people. While you'd think it would be easy to spot a dishonest character, that's simply not the case. It's not always easy to tell whether that new colleague or romantic interest is a compulsive liar at heart. Thankfully, there are some tell-tale personality traits that will help you.
20) They try a little too hard to charm you:
As the old saying goes, "Flattery will get you
anywhere." And perhaps that's why untrustworthy people often try to get
into your good graces with a little sweet talk. When someone is overly
complimentary, it's not always because that person is nice. It's probably
because they want you to see them as a good guy—to trust them.
Keeping an eye out for over-flatterers isn't just helpful in everyday work situations. Lawmakers say flattery is often used by potential perpetrators in interviews. Excessive fawning is a sign that one lacks authenticity and sincerity. What these people say shouldn't necessarily be taken at face value.
19) They dominate the conversation:
Have you ever been at a party where one person dominates the
room with their stories? You shouldn't necessarily believe what they say—those
tales might be made up. According to psychologists, controlling the room could
be a signal of Machiavellianism and an indication that this person isn't
entirely trustworthy.
An article in Scientific American said Machiavellians "are pragmatic liars who aren't fearful or anxious." And this is why at parties "they tend to dominate, but they also seem relaxed, talented and confident." Because of this, it can be hard to ignore their lies.
18) Buzzwords are their mother tongue:
"Solutionize. Ideation. Enterprise Thinking."
These are the kinds of words you often hear managers say, phrases that sound
big and fancy but mean nothing. To those in the business world, buzzwords tend
to be an annoying part of the daily grind. But to those in the know, they're a
signal of so much more.
A former FBI operative associates the tendency to use buzzwords with dishonesty. Writing for CNBC in 2020, the expert argued that these phrases are used "to substitute quantity for quality" and are helpful in diverting from the truth. Buzzwords are also a great tool for incompetent leaders, as they hide the fact that the speaker doesn't have anything to say.
17) They love bonding over mutual dislikes:
Everyone loves a little gossip. Who can deny that dishing
dirt with a confidant about someone you don't like isn't a little fun? What
makes gossiping so rewarding, though, is the fact that by doing so, you're
establishing a rapport with someone else. And these are the sort of connections
that dishonest people love to seek out.
Untrustworthy people will use gossip as a way to establish a connection with you. They imply that you're better than those other people, otherwise they wouldn't be confiding their disapproval. They give you opportunities to jump in with your own disapproval for those people as if it's a healthy form of bonding.
16) They move quickly in their relationships:
When a new partner shows signs they want to commit, it's
thought of as a good thing, right? While they're asking to meet your parents,
planning a weekend away, or even suggesting you move in together, you'll
probably be thinking you've found the one. Sadly, the truth is usually a little
more complex…
In reality, a partner may only be moving so fast because they know doing so lowers your defenses. Often people who are likely to harm others will sweep in quickly and forcefully and try to foster a false sense of trust. If things are moving at a lightning pace, don't be afraid to apply the brakes.
15) They don’t take criticism well:
Most of us can be sensitive to criticism, it's hard not to
be. If you've invested your time and effort into a project, it can be a little
demoralizing when someone picks it apart. While criticism for many of us is a
necessary part of personal growth, it's a completely different story for
dishonest people.
Sensitivity to criticism is one of the most common traits of untrustworthy individuals. And it can be dangerous as people who become defensive feel if they deny something, it ceases to exist. Dishonest people tend to derive their sense of worth from positive feedback, making it easy for them to block out negative opinions.
14) They become aggressive when challenged:
Should you ever succeed in calling a liar out on their lies,
don't expect them to take it in their stride. Unlike ordinary folk,
untrustworthy people tend to become angered when confronted with their
dishonesty. Untrustworthy people pout. They act aggressive. They change the
subject. They distort the accusation.
In these cases, it often feels like you've done something wrong. But don't be fooled: this behavior is merely a front to cover up the fact that they've been caught. When a liar becomes hostile or defensive, he is attempting to turn the tables on you.
13) They always, definitely, unequivocally speak in absolutes:
"You never finish your work on time." "You're
always late." "You don't care about me at all." Statements
phrased as strongly as these are very effective in convincing you that the
accuser has a point. And because of this, strident words such as always and
never are a gift for untrustworthy people who want to present their lies as
truth.
Problems may arise later if these exaggerations aren't corrected. When absolutes go unchallenged, they have a tendency to become seen as truth. In contrast, words such as usually often express doubt and soften the absolutes. They can be a good indicator that the speaker can be trusted.
12) They have a new set of friends every week:
While a lot of us find it difficult to make new friends,
untrustworthy people don't seem to have this problem. For them, finding folks
to hang out with is no trouble, and they often appear to have a wide circle of
acquaintances. The thing is, though, keeping relationships alive when you're a
liar is tough. So their amiability is more out of necessity than choice.
If dishonest people keep losing friends, how come they're always able to make new friends? It all comes down to them projecting an image of themselves as someone with whom you'd want to be friends. Dishonest people are often quite charming and good storytellers.
11) They love a robust debate:
One thing that untrustworthy people love to do is engage in
debates—not civilized and rational debates. They prefer one-sided wars of words
focusing on attacks of character as opposed to ideas. For this reason, engaging
a dishonest person in a debate can be dangerous because they have no interest
in an honest discussion.
Untrustworthy people resort to underhanded tactics such as insinuation and playing on fears when arguing. And these days these dubious techniques are everywhere. Once upon a time you couldn't get a passing grade in English if you communicated like that.
10) What they're saying vs. how they're saying it:
Throughout your life, you may have found that body language
conveys just as much meaning as spoken words. When someone is frowning while
speaking, for example, that's probably a good indicator that they have
something negative to share. Liars, on the other hand, may be more inclined to
smile when delivering a supposedly unhappy story.
In general, dishonest people will convey one emotion through their speech and another with their bodies. Such disconnect is a tell-tale sign of dishonesty. It's easy to lie with words, but our bodies know and show the truth.
9) Their facial expressions seem off:
A dishonest person may find it easy to lie to you, but lying
to themselves is a different matter entirely. Untrustworthy individuals often
exhibit unique mannerisms that show just how awkward they really find the act
of lying. Learning to hone in on these clues is a good way to separate the
truth from fiction.
An FBI agent identified a series of behaviors that can indicate an individual's true nature. These could be a fake smile, a head that's rolled back just a little bit, and staring eyes. When you see these signs, it's wise to give them special attention about why they feel uncomfortable.
8) They deflect blame while apologizing:
Apologizing when you're in the wrong is a vital part of
maintaining a healthy relationship. And yet saying sorry isn't always as
easy—it involves owning up to your mistakes and acknowledging your own
fallibility. Perhaps this is why dishonest people—who are often blind to their
imperfections—find this task especially difficult.
Admittedly, untrustworthy people can say they're sorry. But they usually use it as a prefix for an accusation that reframes the recipient as the real villain. This happens out of fear, particularly in fear's common disguises of arrogance, perfectionism, or some other form of superiority. If you find yourself on the receiving end of this kind of apology, quit while you're ahead.
7) They like to sour your opinion on others:
Thanks to their superficially charming natures, dishonest
people are often very good at forming bonds with others. But it's not enough
for these untrustworthy individuals to count you as a friend. Sometimes, they
will purposefully try to drive a wedge between you and your other
acquaintances—just for the sake of it.
One way in which untrustworthy people may tear down bonds between friends is through hearsay. And according to specialists, manipulation and gossip are perfect tools for liars to pit people against each other. After the dust has settled on these arguments, the dishonest individual may also find themselves in a situation that's better for them.
6) Their body language is closed-off:
No matter how good somebody is at lying, the act itself will
usually leave that person uncomfortable. The discomfort comes from the fact
that lying makes them feel exposed, vulnerable, and open to attack.
Someone who's lying to you will shield the most exposed sections of their body such as their head, neck, or abdomen as a defensive measure. But what's more telling than these gestures is a full or partial covering of the mouth. A covered mouth quite literally represents a closing off of communication.
5) Their movements and emotions are hard to predict:
Certain people seem to change on a daily basis. One moment,
they won't leave you alone. The next, they won't even respond to your texts. If
you have a friend who's this unpredictable, it could be a signal of
untrustworthiness. Behaviors that are either aggressive or erratic are signs
that someone hasn't yet figured out who they are.
Small changes in emotions can be a giveaway, too. For example, does this person experience mood swings? Can they switch between opposing emotional states in an instant? Someone who exhibits these behaviors is likely prone to narcissism and the habit of saying or doing anything to emerge on top.
4)They never work on a relationship:
It goes without saying that relationships are hard. And in
order to maintain a healthy one, couples must work together to understand each
other's changing needs. Sadly, not all parties are interested in putting in the
work, which leads to a situation where one partner is shouldering all of the
responsibilities.
In many cases, a simple conversation can restore the balance. But partners who are dishonest, unreliable, or controlling may exhibit what is referred to as a demand-withdrawal. These individuals are more likely to withdraw from the conversation and discussion rather than confront the issue.
3) They project all their insecurities onto you:
As Sigmund Freud said, psychological projection is a common
condition recognized within psychoanalysis. Essentially a form of self-defense,
this behavior is used as a way for certain people to avoid dealing with their
own bad habits while simultaneously calling out somebody else. It's a technique
commonly used by the dishonest in society.
People who are untrustworthy have a consistent habit of accusing others of behaviors that they are exhibiting or contemplating themselves. So, if somebody you know is accusing you of something you've never done, don't take it to heart. They're probably just trying to divert attention away from their own shortcomings.
2) They can't keep secrets:
If someone who can't be trusted enters your life, then you
should under no condition tell them anything that you don't want anybody else
to know. But how can you tell if someone new can keep a secret without actually
giving them a secret to spill?
One way to identify an untrustworthy person is to see how well they keep their own confidential information under wraps. Did that person unload all of their emotional baggage onto you when you met them? If yes, then it's a sign they lack control over themselves and are probably unlikely to keep their mouths shut.
1) They show little to no empathy:
We've talked about the habits and peculiarities of
untrustworthy people. But one thing we haven't mentioned is why dishonest
people lie in the first place. For many psychologists, it all boils down to
empathy—something many of us take for granted but that untrustworthy people are
fully or partially lacking. And this deficiency allows them to ignore the pain
their lies cause.
Assuming everyone has empathy is partly why we let people like this into our lives in the first place. Our natural empathy makes it difficult for us to imagine someone without it. So many people get into relationships with pathological liars because they're trying to fit these people into the ordinary standards of what it means to be empathetic.
